dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
