she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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