The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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