he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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