Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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