Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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