i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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