SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
