That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
