she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
