My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
