Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have post one night stand depression
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
