i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize