Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
