I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
a search helicopter?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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