a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
