we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
