Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
