I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
