I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
