remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
