I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
