It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
