So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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