Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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