she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
