I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
