And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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