$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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