I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
