9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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