you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
