if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
