i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
