The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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