forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
