she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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