dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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