How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
