question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
