im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize