I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
