just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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