You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
