In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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