I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
