i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
