I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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