so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
