doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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