im holly from the hills drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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