I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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