Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
