I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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