I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
