oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
