Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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