I have demons in me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
