this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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