My brain says no but my pants say off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
