Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
