Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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