I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
