She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
