nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
