i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
