Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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