I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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