so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
