There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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